Much like your beer, cocktails, t-shirts, and pants, the shoes you choose to wear every day tell the world something about who you are. We’ve all been there -- silently (or vocally) judging the guy unabashedly sporting sandals with socks or the one dude wearing hiking boots to the office because there’s a 10% chance of rain. Your footwear's not only a fashion statement: it's a reflection of your personality.
This time 'round, we're taking a look at your go-to summer soles, the ones you opt for over all the others when the weather warms. From Birkenstocks to penny loafers, this is what your summer shoes are saying about you:
Fishing is the greatest, you think— you don’t actually own a boat or a pole. You’re a huge Jimmy Buffet fan, as evidenced by your “Margaritaville” tees, incessant references to being a "pirate", and commitment to chill vibes. You never clean your George Foreman Grill but it’s whatever when you can just kick back and pop a Bud Light Lime with the opener on the bottom of your foot thong. You don’t think you mind Kangol hats. Stereotypes bum you out.
Often paired with a t-shirt of your alma mater that’s a half-size too small, your regular sneaks suit you fine for just about every occasion. Except the beach, don't be that guy. Realistically, you want to be ready to hit the gym after work, and you did pay for that 6-month membership 3 months ago... you've been twice. You’re aware that your attempts to reclaim your college two-a-day body is hindered by all those dry bologna sandwiches but you can’t help it, you just love them. Boot cut jeans are the only pants you'll buy.
One time, during that unforgettable summer you spent in Burlington, you somehow ended up working security at a Phish show and Mike Gordon totally gave you a head nod. You begrudgingly admit that the band was never quite the same after Farmhouse so those contoured cork soles have been sitting in a closet in your mom’s house since late 2003. Lately you’ve seen more and more people wearing the style though, and whispers of some kind of social movement
inspired by the '90s. You know six random songs on acoustic guitar involving just three chords.
Low-top canvas sneakers
You wear these kicks everyday as you bike to your start-up copywriting job that only kind of affords you to eat Chop’t 4x a week. You and your sweetheart wait all winter long for the arrival of ramps in the local farmer’s market because the pesto you craft with the secret recipe is always the talk of the potluck. It's actually from Barefoot Contessa, but you still tell people "a lot of trial & error". Socks are purposeless.
You’ve been thinking about growing your flow out for the summer but just can’t seem to find the courage now that you have a real job and you’re not a day-camp counselor anymore. The only bedroom decor you have is a single framed watercolor reproduction of Dave Matthews' bust and a lamp from your old dorm. You like, just really love seeing live music and are super stoked for 311's tour in July. “Amber” is just such a classic summer jam. You're nowhere near actual boats.
You're boat shoes guy 2.0, but add your parent’s exclusive country club membership and a generous helping of f*ck you fabrics
. Also, you once ate a cigarette on a dare, but that was years ago.
Kelly once made a comment about your chicken legs back in '04 and you haven’t worn shorts since. Now, you’re used to sweating through your day job in pants when it’s 97 degrees outside. You often wonder to your 5,824 Twitter followers if business casual is still a thing because you desperately want it to be. When you’re not trying to figure out how to monetize your social media presence, you work for a company called Business Intelligent Solutions, or Business Intelligence 101, or Business Solutions Group.
For you, everyday is a journey, and one step closer to the weekend when you and your Border Collie mix will head up to the Gunks— there’s just something about shale that makes you feel alive. Your feet may sweat profusely but your calves are nice and cool as, in an opposite move to Chukka-wearing guy, you only ever wear cargo shorts
. Hydrating is super important to you so you don’t stop refilling that Nalgene until your pee runs clear. You’re a big fan of clipping your carabiner to things, and then unclipping your carabiner from things.
Vibram 5-finger Shoes
21 thrusters, 21 burpees; 18 thrusters, 18 burpees, 15 thrusters, 15 burpees is no sweat until you add a 95lb bar— most people go to the gym and think doing 3 sets of 10 is an accomplishment. Try 16 sets of 10. In a half hour. You’re literally never winded anymore and you don’t even really miss bread and cheese since going Paleo. Binge eating 14 tacos on Saturday night after 12 vodka sodas without the soda totally doesn’t count if you don’t remember doing it, right? RIGHT?!