NSFW: These 10 tees will get you fired

You want to quit anyway, but make it count. You want a memorable exit, one that'll go down in history. Like that flight attendant's epic swear-over-the-PA/grab-a-beer/pop-the-emergency-slide resignation a few years back. Show up to work wearing an extremely NSFW tee - something that borders on obscenely sexual — for instance. They'll have no choice but to give you the boot on the spot.

Let's start with the Mighty Healthy Legs Tee ($29) tee above. Nothing says "I think we're pretty much done here" like rolling into that 9am daily conference call with two glistening, bent-over women emblazoned on your chest.

Ah, the V/SUAL Reach Tee ($28). To guarantee you'll get the axe, wear this one when returning from a lunchtime "yoga" class, and tell everyone — from the lobby guy to the CEO — where you were. Definitely use gratuitous air quotes around "yoga."
You're tired of The Man oppressing you in the name of 'Merica — sport this Akomplice Classic Liberty Tee ($28) to your government job and you're sure to get canned. Better yet if your gig is Grand Marshall of your city's 4th of July parade, voting booth operator, or President.
The V/SUAL Linger Tee ($28) is good for demonstrating that you always hated the company's strict dress code. Wear it under a suit so you can burst into an important shareholder meeting, rip open your button-down and let 'em have it.
Wear the V/SUAL x Ellis Cooper Oasis Tank ($26) and give 'em...two...reasons to sack you: the graphic and your pasty white farmer's tan, of course. It'll be fun to see if HR can maintain eye contact during your exit interview.
Your boss might actually appreciate the Akomplice Naturism Tee ($32). He was always bugging you for more visual aids in your presentations, so pop this sucker on and show him exactly what you've been daydreaming about whenever he's blabbing. 
Step one: wear this Kid Dangerous Twins Tee ($24). Step two: walk up to the college interns gathered in the kitchenette. Step three: Point at your shirt, then at two interns, then raise your eyebrows. Step four: sign your pink slip, noting aloud that it matches your sexy shirt.
Put on this V/SUAL Dirty South Tee ($28) and tell everyone at work you're "turning the other cheek." Then point out the glaring "Dirty South" tattoo innuendo, grin, and do that ass-spanking/grinding dance move while making direct eye contact with your manager.
Go out in a blaze of glory. The Akomplice Lioness Tee ($32) has really got some substance behind it, and might be even more effective on your last day if you wear it while blowing bubbles out of a pipe. Using a Zippo to set off the fire alarm would be a nice touch too.
Best wear the Junk Food Playboy Lynda Wiesmeier 82 Cover Tee ($28) with silk pajama bottoms and a velvet robe. To really piss everyone off and likely involve yourself in a harassment lawsuit, refer to a couple female colleagues as "Bunnies" and invite them to "the mansion."


Nick Caruso is the only person on earth whose job it is to instruct others how to lose theirs. Follow him - and/or hire him as a consultant - via Twitter @thenickcaruso.

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