Summer is the time to let your arms flail free from their winter restrictions, but with so many seasonal tank top options, how do you know which one is right for you? Could they all be right for you?? Only one way to find out. Here's our guide of when and how to wear this season's most popular tank styles:
Aggressive Tat Tank
Wear this top this summer while deadlifting, or judging other people while they’re deadlifting, or while binge-watching Youtube videos of adorable animals eating small people food
in solitude. This tank may not tell the world that you have a strong relationship with your parents who have been married for 36 years, but you know
your ma’s bread pudding is just terrific, and that's what counts.
The efficient and practical seasonal tank. It typically exists in a wardrobe that includes, and is definitely limited to, running gear, three pairs of ill-fitting chinos, and four blue button-down oxfords, which are worn in various permutations throughout the week to your job as an administrative associate for Aetna.
Worn best with ripped bis and tris, an epic social media presence, and neon sunglasses to hide your melting face and lingering blank stare.
Chest Hair Tank
Parade your minimal chest tuft in this breezy number. Refer to the “How To Increase Chest Hair” wikiHow
, because even though you like to show it off, you're still noticeably self-conscious about how little there is.
Alternative Pensive Urban Tank
This tank is great for warm nights while you ponder thinking about things near a water source. Wear it while genuinely believing your melancholy & unfocused gaze across the river/lake/community pool will be interpreted as mysterious sex appeal, and that some freshman art student will take your picture for a class project. Also pairs exceptionally well with Hoobastank reunion tours.
A distinguished option for all occasions! But mostly for Drake concerts and hating on all your haters.
New Jersey Tank
Remember that ca-razy acronym from the hit MTV television show Jersey Shore?? GTL, bro! And tank tops.
This tank is the tops this summer if you're all about that 27 eggs per week Crossfit lifestyle. It's also great for making late night contributions to the Swole Acceptance subreddit
, and warning others against soy protein. Moobs, brotherman.
Childhood Graphic Tank
Innocent and childlike tank tops show off intimidating muscles, but in a friendly, approachable way.
Patriotic Bro Tank
Excellent for drinking all the Buds/Coors/Millers, or whatever cheap domestic you prefer, while having a vaguely borderline jingoist love for this Great Nation of America.
Vaguely European Tank
This tank look is directly correlated to that one time you lived in Prague, which was actually only a three month semester five years ago. Rock it while drinking all the lagers and wistfully musing about that formative benchmark of your youth.